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| "Don't forget to pack the urn" reads the projection onto the Big Ben |
This is the first shot across the bows, just before the England team sets off for the Southern Hemisphere, where they would call bullfrogs chuzzwazzers, although apparently the Coriolis Effect does not cause toilet water to drain in a different direction than the Northern Hemisphere.
Andrew Strauss meanwhile talked about the upcoming series, but mentioned that the team was too friendly with their opponents last time they toured Australia as maybe one of the reasons they lost. The reason they lost was they played bloody awful cricket from start to finish. Their batting was haphazard, but barring exceptional circumstances you have to take 20 wickets to win a test match.
In 2006 they did not even get close.
Brisbane (11), Adelaide (10), Perth (15), Melbourne (10), Sydney (10) all offered up humiliating defeats. True, their batting did not give them much opportunities to really get at Australia (they were beaten by an innings in the fourth test, and left the hosts a paltry target of 46 in the fifth, but the Aussies also declared on 602-9 in the first and 527-5 in the third.
Every time their batting or their bowling had a good session they would immediately blow it in the next. Admittedly on a good pitch on the Oval, a stand of 310 between Collingwood and Pietereson was erased when the Aussies matched England's first inning total, then skittled them out for 158.
Still, the tail did not wag as it had a year and a half earlier, while most of the bowlers got shelled. Only Flintoff, Hoggard and Panesar finished with half-respectable figures, and that trio, only just. The team that we have may seem more settled, there were a number of injuries and we were without captain Michael Vaughan. Even so, there remain a number of question marks hanging over the team
Just Four Bowlers?
It seems as if we will go into the series with the same 11 that has been fixed for some time: Strauss, Cook, Trott, Pietersen, Bell, Collingwood, Prior, Broad, Swann, Anderson and Finn (Morgan, who played all the summer tests would be dropping out for Bell). While the trio of fast bowlers tore into Pakistan's order with complete ease, bowling on the hard, bouncy Australian pitches is very different from the seam and swing movement you see on the greener pitches and cloudier climates here in England. You have to be tighter and more disciplined with your bowling, and frustrate your opponents more at the Gabba or the SCG.
Geoffrey Boycott in particular has been banging on about this for at least a year.
But if you would bring in another bowler, who would it be? Monty Panesar, cult figure, but sidelined is the second spinner if you were inclined that way, Chris Tremlett is tall and would get plenty of bounce, and took 48 wickets for Surrey in 2010 at an average of 20.19. Tim Bresnan is the all-rounder, and so would bring batting as well as bowling, but not much batting.
The only reason these things are an issue is that England's selectors are worried about our batting. If Cook, Pieterson, Prior and co. were banging in centuries they would be confident with Broad batting at six, and Swann at seven. But they are not. And since the Ashes both Broad and Swann's batting, the latter in particular has slipped considerably. Rather than being seen as all-rounders, which they have the potential to be, they are still primarily bowlers. This is why Stuart Broad's knock of 169 against Pakistan was so encouraging. If he can bat with patience, and stay around for a while, rather than waltzing to the middle, and just throw the bat at the ball, England can be a great side, instead of a merely good one.
Remember when Shaun Pollock and Lance Klusener batted eight and nine for South Africa? It frustrated the heck out of opponents, and it damages team morale when they reach the tail and cannot get them out cheaply. Sri Lanka came to England in 2006 and caused untold woe by building late inning partnerships. At Lords they saved the game with Vaas and Kulasekara hitting 50s, and won the third test at Nottingham, in part due to the tail saving something from the first inning with Chaminda Vaas top scoring with 38, before the entire tail did it again in the second innings, setting England a target of 325 (they were bowled out for 190).
Graeme Swann's (arch felon for being caught drunk driving on the way back from picking up screwdrivers to rescue his cat, who was stuck under his floorboards) knock of 63 at the Oval was crucial for building a huge second innings lead in the deciding match of the series. He scored a respectable 249 runs in eight innings with one not out.
The Batting
The biggest issue with our batting is Kevin Pietersen, but not far behind that is the fact that Ian Bell missed the summer tests, and Alastair Cook's. Cook's test average of 42.78 should not be sniffed at, but still people question his consistency. The well documented problem with his footwork has been solved, at least for now, and he's failed to score a century in just three test series he's played in (2006 v Sri Lanka, 2008 v New Zealand, 2008 at India). He scored 382 runs in last year's Ashes at an average of 38.2 (although there were only two scores you would call decent 50+). In fact, most of this Cook bashing may be totally un-merited, since stats guru Simon Hughes wrote before the last test against Pakistan that Cook and Strauss are one of the most productive opening partnerships for England.
The real problems is Pietersen's state of mind. There is cover around him, as Trott, Collingwood and Bell should all be ready to go, but his form could adequately described as patchy, and he has rarely looked settled at the crease, batting within himself, and at times looking petrified at getting out. Other times he charges in and plays a silly shot long before he has really found himself at the middle. The quandary in August was what England could actually do with Pietersen in such poor form considering the domestic season was closing, and his exile from Hampshire.
KP is a game-changer, but if he is not in the right mindset to compete, then he has to replaced with the free-hitting Morgan, test match batsmen or not. His 107 not out against Pakistain in the ODI at Southampton ridicules the notion that he cannot play the longer form of the game. If you can score a century at that level you can play test match cricket.
This time around there will be no Glenn McGrath, Shane Warne or Matthew Hayden, but it will still be a tall order to inflict upon Ricky Ponting his third Ashes loss as Australian Captain, and be the first side since Gatting's in 1986-7 to win down under.
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