The Punter Pratted: Part 2

Ponting has a peck at Umpire Aleem Dar

Nothing delights an English crowd more than an irate Ricky Ponting, and five years ago, in the fourth test of an Ashes series the Australian Captain lost the plot completely after being run out by substitute fielder Gary Pratt. Launching a foul-mouthed tirade on coach Duncan Fletcher as he walked up the pavilion steps. 


Now, in another fourth test of an Ashes series with Australia on the brink, his head under the baggy green seems less than cool in the temperate Melbourne weather.

Magnanimous in victory, and a spoiled brat when losing, Ponting's attitude towards sportsmanship seems to waver like a pendulum. At Adelaide, when he caught a disputing catch at short mid-wicket off Cook, who was by then well into three figures, he castigated the English opener for not walking when he told him he had caught the ball cleanly. This from the man who has gloved/hit two balls down the leg side so far this series (both caught by Prior and given out), but has walked on neither occasion, as Vic Marks was wont to point out yesterday afternoon.

Ponting, who has been fined 40 percent of his match fee, but escaped without a one-match ban, which might have done him some good considering his recent form with the bat and the way this series is heading.

It is hard to believe every word that comes out of the Punter's mouth, as this video clip, taken from the test match with India at Sydney three years ago shows. Ponting appeals for a catch, having taken the ball at silly mid on, but neither has the ball hit the glove of MS Dhoni, the batsmen, nor has the Australian skipper fairly caught the ball, as replays clearly show he grounds the ball on the floor when he lands.

Not content with this blatant gamesmanship, he takes it to the next level when an Indian journalist brings the catch up in the post-match conference. "If you're actually questioning my integrity in the game," Ponting thunders, "then you shouldn't be standing here," he told a room full of shell-shocked hacks.

Still, as one former Australian player after another condemned Ponting's actions yesterday, his form is probably worrying one of the most prolific test scorers ever, as he has one creditable score in seven innings so far, 51 not out when the game was already over at Brisbane. Since then, 0, 9, 12, 1 and 10.

This would be his 10th straight test match without a century (his last being 209 against Pakistan at Hobart in January), which would be his joint-second worst run in 15 years of test cricket. He was on a similar rut before that innings, having failed in the previous nine to make it to three figures, after his 150 at Cardiff against England. It would also match the ten tests in 2004 when he failed to reach 100 in the calender year, but at least then he averaged 41. 2000-2001 was his worst stretch where he went 11 matches without a ton.

You have to wonder whether stories of dissension with Michael Clarke, despite his woeful batting form, and the man most likely to replace Ponting, on a short term basis at least are really true. Clarke, who has 21 test wickets to his name, has not been given a bowl all series, something that has bemused commentators, when a short spell by the right handed batsman, might give the front line bowlers a half hour of well needed rest, especially in the scorching heat of the earlier games. Is his back a factor, or has he fallen out with Ponting?

But Brad Haddin, behind the stumps, presumably heard a noise, but with neither snicko, or hotspot revealing anything, while instant replays show neither the bat or the ball near the pads, what was the phantom noise that had the keeper excited?

Either way, the Australians find themselves in an absolute mess, devoid of any cutting edge with the ball or the bat. Having lost the magic formula that served him so well in the third test at Perth, Mitchell Johnson has reverted to banging the ball into the ground, which at least resulted in the wickets of Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell.

Without the presence of any swing, Johnson's threat to right handers is nullified, as the natural line of a straight ball across the right hander pitches outside the leg stump, and thus the batsman has no fear of being given out leg before. Johnson is therefore infinitely more dangerous when he can pitch the ball on off stump and get it to straighten into the right hander. Without that

Trott and Prior, who put on an unbeaten 158 this morning, turned England's position from a good one, to an unassailable one. The Aussies will have to now bat for at least two days to save the test match, otherwise the words "England have retained the Ashes" will be ringing around the MSG, words not heard either side of the world since 1986/7.

There are only three things wrong with this Australia Team: They Can't bat, bowl or field.

Selection choices had Jim Maxwell whipped to quite a frenzy during yesterday's lunch interval, and apparently Shane Warne has gone around Adelaide telling everyone who will listen that they should blow up the entire Australian team and start again. Australia is not as young as it once was, as even the newcomers are golden oldies: Xavier Doherty is 28, Harris is 31 and Bollinger is 29.

Although it is amazing that Australians are already ripping their players to shreds even though it is 0-0, and some English fans are already bemoaning the fact that the Aussies aren't even a challenge, the gulf is there for all to see. When people said before the series that this was the most unsettled Australian team for 30 years, they hit the mark with great precision. The board of selectors will have to decide whether they want to gut their bowling attack for the second straight game.

Lets run down the list of players and whether they will be playing in the next test in Perth.

Simon Katich (35): Usually, he would be safe, but his fielding has demonstrated that he should not be playing. He's nursing a serious Achilles injury. If fit, he would be a useful bowler along the lines of Paul Collingwood. At the moment he's a lame duck. Given the dire straits Australia find them in, they cannot be weighed down by a passenger on the team. He's Gone.

Shane Watson (29): Watson should be ok from any cull, but he's not 100% fit either. His bowling has been solid, and at least he has made some relatively good scores (36, 41* and 51 are relatively good scores, unless you are Mike Hussey). Safe.

Ricky Ponting (36): Ponting's test career speaks for itself, and more often than not he'll make a good score. A tad unlucky to nick his first ball, but he will score runs at some point during the series. His 12,300 test runs at an average of 57 is incredible. If only they had six other Ricky's. Safe.

Michael Clarke (29): the Aussie 'vice-captain' will be batting for his place in the team in the second innings. A lower back injury and good England short bowling have combined to give Clarke a miserable series so far. Also behind the scenes grumblings that he and Ponting are not getting along too well. Gone.

Michael Hussey (35): Before the first test, they said his position was under threat. Not so after knocks of 195 and 93. Safe.

Marcus North (31): This depends entirely on how the selectors re-jig the bowling lineup. They might put a premium on bowling and bump up Haddin to 6 and go with five bowlers, including a spinner. If it wasn't for North's ability as a part time spinner, he would be gone, as his batting just is not good enough to warrant a place in the side. Far too hot and cold, he either makes a century, or gets out relatively cheaply. Averages 19 in tests if you take away his centuries. Review.

Brad Haddin (33): He and Hussey have almost single-handedly saved two Australian innings from total disaster. With no other viable option behind the stumps, his place is assured. Safe.

Ryan Harris (31): He's been solid if not spectacular through the England innings, troubling Cook, Trott and Pietersen with some decent short stuff. Safe.

Xavier Doherty (28): Hopelessly out of his depth. Whether they bring back Nathan Hauritz or maybe even bring in the young Steven Smith, Doherty does not belong on the greatest cricketing arena. Sinking not waving. Gone.

Peter Siddle (26): He may have been the pick of the bowling at the Gabba, but Siddle's bowling gameplan has looked far too ordinary, failing to try anything different. All he seemed to do yesterday and the day before was run in and bang it into the pitch, hoping for the English batsmen to get themselves out. Review.

Doug Bollinger (29): Oh dear. One maiden in 27 overs does not read well, and the selectors were probably right in not picking him for the first test. Probably does not possess the stamina needed in 40 degree temperatures, as his bowling speed tailed off towards the end of every spell. Hilfenhaus could do far better. Gone.

I maintain the right to amend these choices at the end of the test.

Ponting watches on as England dominate Day 2

Ricky Ponting can find solace in the fact that his performance as captain was the second most ridiculous thing on Sky Sports 1 through the night, with the latest George Clooney nespresso advert more deserving of that honour. However the mind boggled as Ponting shuffled around the Australian field in a vain attempt to get wickets, and ended up spending far too much of the day staring at the ground. Unsurprisingly the ground gave him no answers.

Even with a heavy offside field, his bowlers strayed far too often onto the pads of Trott and Cook, who took such offerings to be the boundary more often than not. A short leg is a requisite for both batsmen, who love to score through the leg side, but even when Ponting ordered Siddle to bowl at Trott rather than his stumps, he implemented a leg gully, or a short leg at times, but never both at the same time. Bodyline, Ponting style. And when England scored 52 off the first nine overs after lunch, he told his bowlers to pitch everything a good yard outside of off-stump and starve the batsmen of runs. Neither of these tactics worked too well, although Trott edged a chance to

Alastair Cook meanwhile is almost half way to immortality (no, not literally), as he stares down Don Bradman's record of 974 runs in a single Ashes series. As imperious as the left handed opener has performed over his last two innings, that is the record of records, and even Hammond's record of 906 runs by an Englishman in Australia seems a long way away. Cook will resume on 438 runs overall, when he begins Day 3 of the second test in Adelaide, 72 ahead of Australia's first innings score, but with eight wickets in hand.

For Ponting, yesterday saw his teams' situation go from bad to worse. Ryan Harris looked nothing more than ordinary, Doug Bollinger got bounce but little else, and Siddle, the first test hero, had to resign to bowling at Trott's ribcage in an effort to get him out. Xavier Doherty had a nightmare, even against Kevin Pietersen, who we are all told, has a weakness against lefty spin bowlers. As the spinner, playing in just his second test, was swatted for three straight boundaries through extra cover by the defensive minded Cook, Ponting had little option but to shelve him. Injuries hampered using Shane Watson too much, while Simon Katich is also supposedly crocked, shelving him from bowling, should the skipper have been so inclined. Bizarrely, Katich has 15 test wickets at a decent average of 30. Any reprieve for the bowling attack would have been welcome on a searing hot day.

But fortunately for Trott, Pietersen and Cook, the Aussie bowling temperature never reached above tepid, allowing them to reach 317 by the close of play, with two blots on the copy book, an absolute clanger of a dismissal by Strauss and a mistimed lob through mid-wicket by Trott.

There was also great symmetry as Doherty had a chance to run out Trott in single figures, an incident eerily similar to that involving Katich and Trott a day earlier. Mr Cricket Michael Hussey dropped Trott on 10 in the gulley, a catch similar to the one Pietersen held, dismissing Watson for 51 straight after Lunch on Friday.

Even a repeat of the 2006 Adelaide Test could not dampen English spirits, while Australia laboured in the field, England's bowlers put their feet up, and possibly enjoyed the fact that, as Mark Selvey points out, the Aussies have taken as many wickets in their last 250 overs as England managed in 13 balls the day before.

There was also another record for Trott and Cook, the highest English second-wicket partnership at the Adelaide Oval, with their 173 eclipsing the 169 John Edrich and Keith Fletcher made in 1971.

Early Christmas Presents for England

Anderson is mobbed after dismissing Ricky Ponting

Someone, somewhere, in the back room of an Australian newspaper sports desk, at least one hack will be writing about the death of Australian cricket as we know it. Had this been in England, it would probably have already been written, as the Daily Mirror seems to have stock pieces ready for times of ritual sporting humiliation.

But the end of those Halcyon Days of Australian cricket seems to have its journalist foaming at the mouth, as if they cannot believe a period of complete dominance in test matches has in fact, come to an end. For those English watching the action at midnight, the bevy of gifts they were given, one after another, in such quick succession, that they could have been forgiven for asking to slow them down a bit. It was almost impossible to savour such early wickets raining down on them, as cricket presents popped in their laps before they had fully unwrapped the first one. Christmas had indeed come early for those not enjoying thirty-five degree heat.

Apart from great containing bowling by Graeme Swann and delightful incision by Anderson, the Australian performance was un-characteristically abject, with wickets thrown away carelessly. There was Simon Katich's run-out, where both batsmen failed to look at each other while running between the wickets, Ricky Ponting's dismissal, as his bat clanged against his pad first ball, opening up the blade of the bat, lobbing an easy catch to second slip Swann, Marcus North's waft outside of his off-stump, and Shane Watson getting caught between cutting and driving the ball, hoiking the ball to Pietersen in the gully. Rarely has an English bowling attack had it so good down-under.

But the man in the hot seat, now that the Australian cricket selectors have given Johnson and Hilfenhaus the push, is vice-captain Michael Clarke, who looks out at sea in the middle. Still troubled by back issues, he had issues with the short ball in the first innings, and hung around for six deliveries before obliging Anderson to complete a cataclysmic start for his team. 2-3 was the worst start by an Australian team since 1950, when, on a web Brisbane pitch Jack Moroney, Ian Johnson and Sam Loxton were all dismissed without scoring by Alec Bedser and Trevor Bailey, with the pair eventually getting the Aussies to 32-7, when they declared, leaving England 192 to win. They were bowled all out for 122, with Len Hutton stranded at 62 not out.

England had to settle for 245 all out this time, and it might have been even less, had Hussey's early edge carried to Swann in the slips, or Jimmy Anderson had held on to a hard caught and bowled chance, with 'Mr. Cricket' only on three. Anderson's performance must be all the sweeter for him, given his nightmare of a tour four years ago, and given he was so unlucky early on Day 3 at the Gabba, bowling without reward against Hussey and Haddin.

And after the day's play, it was not just the Aussie press who worked themselves into a lather, as Ponting rounded off a miserable day by barracking Andrew Strauss as he left the field over alleged sledging by Anderson on Brad Haddin. "Get off the pitch," Michael Vaughan told the Australian skipper.

But at Adelaide the English demons are still there. Needing to bat out to draw the game after two big first inning scores four years ago, and sitting comfortably on 69-1, they collapsed to 129 all out, with Shane Warne tearing through the order, and a calamitous run out between Bell and Collingwood. Considering they made 551-6 in their first innings, a loss was a terrible result.

Still, without Hussey and Haddin over the last two matches, the Aussies would be looking extremely foolish. The pair saved another innings, scoring the majority of the runs on Day 1, but the real question is what Katich and Watson were doing in the first over. There was a single there easily if the man at the non-strikers end would have actually glanced at his partner instead of staring at the ball. It was Katich's call, but he never once looked Watson's way. Not even when he eventually set off. This failure in communication was ultimately, both batsmen's fault.

Still, as good as Day 1's performance was, England need to follow it up with a rounded batting display, in order to put a good first innings lead on the board, before attacking the Aussies for a second time.