Ponting watches on as England dominate Day 2

Ricky Ponting can find solace in the fact that his performance as captain was the second most ridiculous thing on Sky Sports 1 through the night, with the latest George Clooney nespresso advert more deserving of that honour. However the mind boggled as Ponting shuffled around the Australian field in a vain attempt to get wickets, and ended up spending far too much of the day staring at the ground. Unsurprisingly the ground gave him no answers.

Even with a heavy offside field, his bowlers strayed far too often onto the pads of Trott and Cook, who took such offerings to be the boundary more often than not. A short leg is a requisite for both batsmen, who love to score through the leg side, but even when Ponting ordered Siddle to bowl at Trott rather than his stumps, he implemented a leg gully, or a short leg at times, but never both at the same time. Bodyline, Ponting style. And when England scored 52 off the first nine overs after lunch, he told his bowlers to pitch everything a good yard outside of off-stump and starve the batsmen of runs. Neither of these tactics worked too well, although Trott edged a chance to

Alastair Cook meanwhile is almost half way to immortality (no, not literally), as he stares down Don Bradman's record of 974 runs in a single Ashes series. As imperious as the left handed opener has performed over his last two innings, that is the record of records, and even Hammond's record of 906 runs by an Englishman in Australia seems a long way away. Cook will resume on 438 runs overall, when he begins Day 3 of the second test in Adelaide, 72 ahead of Australia's first innings score, but with eight wickets in hand.

For Ponting, yesterday saw his teams' situation go from bad to worse. Ryan Harris looked nothing more than ordinary, Doug Bollinger got bounce but little else, and Siddle, the first test hero, had to resign to bowling at Trott's ribcage in an effort to get him out. Xavier Doherty had a nightmare, even against Kevin Pietersen, who we are all told, has a weakness against lefty spin bowlers. As the spinner, playing in just his second test, was swatted for three straight boundaries through extra cover by the defensive minded Cook, Ponting had little option but to shelve him. Injuries hampered using Shane Watson too much, while Simon Katich is also supposedly crocked, shelving him from bowling, should the skipper have been so inclined. Bizarrely, Katich has 15 test wickets at a decent average of 30. Any reprieve for the bowling attack would have been welcome on a searing hot day.

But fortunately for Trott, Pietersen and Cook, the Aussie bowling temperature never reached above tepid, allowing them to reach 317 by the close of play, with two blots on the copy book, an absolute clanger of a dismissal by Strauss and a mistimed lob through mid-wicket by Trott.

There was also great symmetry as Doherty had a chance to run out Trott in single figures, an incident eerily similar to that involving Katich and Trott a day earlier. Mr Cricket Michael Hussey dropped Trott on 10 in the gulley, a catch similar to the one Pietersen held, dismissing Watson for 51 straight after Lunch on Friday.

Even a repeat of the 2006 Adelaide Test could not dampen English spirits, while Australia laboured in the field, England's bowlers put their feet up, and possibly enjoyed the fact that, as Mark Selvey points out, the Aussies have taken as many wickets in their last 250 overs as England managed in 13 balls the day before.

There was also another record for Trott and Cook, the highest English second-wicket partnership at the Adelaide Oval, with their 173 eclipsing the 169 John Edrich and Keith Fletcher made in 1971.

Early Christmas Presents for England

Anderson is mobbed after dismissing Ricky Ponting

Someone, somewhere, in the back room of an Australian newspaper sports desk, at least one hack will be writing about the death of Australian cricket as we know it. Had this been in England, it would probably have already been written, as the Daily Mirror seems to have stock pieces ready for times of ritual sporting humiliation.

But the end of those Halcyon Days of Australian cricket seems to have its journalist foaming at the mouth, as if they cannot believe a period of complete dominance in test matches has in fact, come to an end. For those English watching the action at midnight, the bevy of gifts they were given, one after another, in such quick succession, that they could have been forgiven for asking to slow them down a bit. It was almost impossible to savour such early wickets raining down on them, as cricket presents popped in their laps before they had fully unwrapped the first one. Christmas had indeed come early for those not enjoying thirty-five degree heat.

Apart from great containing bowling by Graeme Swann and delightful incision by Anderson, the Australian performance was un-characteristically abject, with wickets thrown away carelessly. There was Simon Katich's run-out, where both batsmen failed to look at each other while running between the wickets, Ricky Ponting's dismissal, as his bat clanged against his pad first ball, opening up the blade of the bat, lobbing an easy catch to second slip Swann, Marcus North's waft outside of his off-stump, and Shane Watson getting caught between cutting and driving the ball, hoiking the ball to Pietersen in the gully. Rarely has an English bowling attack had it so good down-under.

But the man in the hot seat, now that the Australian cricket selectors have given Johnson and Hilfenhaus the push, is vice-captain Michael Clarke, who looks out at sea in the middle. Still troubled by back issues, he had issues with the short ball in the first innings, and hung around for six deliveries before obliging Anderson to complete a cataclysmic start for his team. 2-3 was the worst start by an Australian team since 1950, when, on a web Brisbane pitch Jack Moroney, Ian Johnson and Sam Loxton were all dismissed without scoring by Alec Bedser and Trevor Bailey, with the pair eventually getting the Aussies to 32-7, when they declared, leaving England 192 to win. They were bowled all out for 122, with Len Hutton stranded at 62 not out.

England had to settle for 245 all out this time, and it might have been even less, had Hussey's early edge carried to Swann in the slips, or Jimmy Anderson had held on to a hard caught and bowled chance, with 'Mr. Cricket' only on three. Anderson's performance must be all the sweeter for him, given his nightmare of a tour four years ago, and given he was so unlucky early on Day 3 at the Gabba, bowling without reward against Hussey and Haddin.

And after the day's play, it was not just the Aussie press who worked themselves into a lather, as Ponting rounded off a miserable day by barracking Andrew Strauss as he left the field over alleged sledging by Anderson on Brad Haddin. "Get off the pitch," Michael Vaughan told the Australian skipper.

But at Adelaide the English demons are still there. Needing to bat out to draw the game after two big first inning scores four years ago, and sitting comfortably on 69-1, they collapsed to 129 all out, with Shane Warne tearing through the order, and a calamitous run out between Bell and Collingwood. Considering they made 551-6 in their first innings, a loss was a terrible result.

Still, without Hussey and Haddin over the last two matches, the Aussies would be looking extremely foolish. The pair saved another innings, scoring the majority of the runs on Day 1, but the real question is what Katich and Watson were doing in the first over. There was a single there easily if the man at the non-strikers end would have actually glanced at his partner instead of staring at the ball. It was Katich's call, but he never once looked Watson's way. Not even when he eventually set off. This failure in communication was ultimately, both batsmen's fault.

Still, as good as Day 1's performance was, England need to follow it up with a rounded batting display, in order to put a good first innings lead on the board, before attacking the Aussies for a second time.

Get a Draw at the Gabba, and Let the Aussie Press do the Rest

Glenn McGrath famously told journalists prior to the 2005 Ashes series that they would beat England at Lords in the first test, and let the English press do the rest. McGrath ripped through the lineup at Lords, and Michael Vaughan's side came in for some not too gentle ribbing. They went on to win the series after the humiliating defeat, a pretty clear warning if the English were tempted to get too comfortable after a famous draw. But Ricky Ponting's men were the ones getting the roasting, as England recorded only their second draw at the Gabba, having not won at the ground since they last won the Ashes on Australian soil, in 1986/7. Mitchell Johnson, with his pornstar moustache and butterfingers went wicketless, for the first time in his test career. "This is filth from Mitchell Johnson," Nasser Hussain pronounced after Cook walloped him over the covers for four. Perhaps a good shave will do the Australian some good, if he is not dropped first, as he could make way for Doug Bollinger, while Xavier Doherty might be replaced by Ryan Harris.

Yet England must keep any notions of hubris in check. After all, their shortcomings with the ball were clear for all to see, and would have been the talk of the town, if Australia's had not proved itself even more incompetent. After a certain amount of crowing on the Aussies' part, day 5 was especially sweet for England, as records tumbled for Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott.

The broken records went on and on, much to the delight of Jonathan Agnew, who pointed out the burgers appearing on the big screen. First, Alastair Cook, who became just the fourth English player to score a double century in Australia, joining Tip Foster, Wally Hammond (twice) and Paul Collingwood. He also notched the highest score at the Gabba in a test match, passing Don Bradman's 226 against South Africa in 1931.

The innings was also the first time since 1924 that the first three English batsmen had notched centuries since Jack Hobbs, Herbert Sutcliffe and Frank Woooley managed in at Lords against the South Africans.

Meanwhile the partnership between Trott and Cook set even more records. It passed the record for the highest stand at the Gabba, passing the 307 made by Hussey and Haddin two days earlier. The 329 also passed Hobbs and Wilfred Rhodes' record England stand in Australia made in 1912 at Melbourne.

But the records did not stop there, since it was only the second time in test history that there had been two 300 run partnerships in a match, the other being Lahore in 2006 where Mohammed Yousef and Younis Khan and Virender Sehwag and Rahul Dravid had 300 partnerships for Pakistan and India respectively.

It was also the second time that an Englishman had featured in a 300 run partnerships in back-to-back tests, as Trott had put on 332 with Stuart Broad in his last test against Pakistan at Lords. David Gower was the other man to accomplish that feat, the first being at Edgebaston in 1985 (against the Aussies) with Tim Robinson and the second at the Oval with Graham Gooch.

Trott might count himself fortunate to make his century, considering he was dropped by Clark on 34 and 75, but it has been a superb year for the South African born player, whose average in test cricket now stands at 59.95. He has also played two tests against the Australians and has two centuries to his name.

Meanwhile Ponting was left even more red faced as Cook chipped what might have been a catch to the Australian captain. While replays were inconclusive, Aleem Dar gave it not out, probably on the strength of Ponting's reaction, as his body language seemed to suggest the ball fell short. If he had simply held the ball aloft straight away, and said he caught it, Cook would have probably been sent to the pavilion, but instead he mouthed off when Dar did the only thing he could do in that situation, give Cook not out.

All the Australians had declined to show up to their own ground, and it was the English contingent (probably 8,000 strong) that was heard roaring their approval throughout the day, with spirited chorus' of Barmy Army reverberating around a half empty ground on Monday morning. Thirty years of success seems to have turned Australian cricket fans into a pack of glory hunters.

But the question that will remain before the Adelaide test in three days time is whether England's four bowlers can indeed take twenty wickets. Especially when the groundsman has made the following statement about the pitch (see the first para). Broad and Finn need to bowl more incisively, perhaps Anderson will have more luck, and Strauss needs to come up with alternative game plans for Swann if he does not get an early breakthrough, as he has so often in his test career.

Meanwhile, English cricket fans have been having some fun on twitter, with a certain amount of trolling going on, with one person suggesting to a gullible individual that a sticky wicket is 'a way of catching badgers in English forests.'